I have been very sleep deprived today.  The whole family was up before the sun this morning to do our parts in getting the chickens to the butcher.  Tomorrow 16 more birds will join the others in our freezer & we'll be well on our way to prepared for winter with healthy meat.  I wish we could have a cow .... :)

So, exhaustion being a pretty difficult place for me, I stayed busy this morning doing some usual stuff as well as making a batch of the kids favourite cookies.  Something went wrong & they didn't turn out as they should have but they are still disappearing at the normal rate.  IT seems the kids don't mind!  I am that much closer to making them so *I* can eat them & it could be said I'm rather happy about that.  

I laid down this afternoon, spending 3 hrs in bed but never managed to fall into a deep sleep.  When the phone rang that was the end & I gave up and got up.  I told Mark I wanted caution tape to wrap about me. :)  But God is SO good & with much prayer & intentionality I have made it through the evening without growling at anyone. Well, unless the dog counts ....  

Tonight has been an evening of relaxing and seeing all the ways that God has proven that He cares about even the little things in life.  There are a few things I REALLY hope to have before we head to Ottawa, nothing important enough that I feel like I can buy them, just little creature comforts that I would just really enjoy having.  I have been given one of those things without ever having spoken a word about the want!   God is supplying not only my needs but some of my wants as well, little things that I appreciate SO much.  

I was asked the other night how I would have responded to this four years ago. I can tell you, plain and simple, not like this.  I would have been living in fear, deeply anxious & depressed & felt as though I had no recourse, nowhere to turn.  The next question was "what changed to bring you from that place 4 yrs ago to where you are now wish such incredible peace & growing stretching faith.  Oh, what a story that is.  I can hardly wait to share it with you all!  For tonight, I will simply say that first .. I gave up fear.  I read 2 Tim 1:7 and realized that it is a very literal verse!!!  It says: 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

There are many verses about fear & trusting God but this is the one that grabbed my heart when I was in a place of great fear for my children's safety.  I recognized that fear is NOT a thought that is obedient to Christ (remember 2 Cor 10:5?) and that I must intentionally refuse to give in to it.  I began to work very hard at doing just that, changing my thoughts every time I found myself afraid, filling my mind with God's Word & leaving no room for fear.  I remember the moment that change really came about & it has been life changing!!!  Sure, I've been afraid during the last weeks, cancer is a scary thing. But I have NOT allowed myself to live in that place, to wallow there!!!  I'm not gonna hang out in the slums of fear when my father is the King of KINGS & is in control!  NOBODY can love me, or you, more than He does so why would we allow ourselves to be manipulated by fear.

That is the beginning of my story.  I hope to share more of it with you very soon.  It has been an INCREDIBLE journey that I am looking forward to sharing.

God is God. God is good & God is FAITHFUL!!  We have no cause for fear & anxiety.