It's been more than a week since I sat outside the oncologist office in Moncton crying, praying, and listening to the song "I am with you" (by the Afters) repeatedly.  It wasn't a place I had ever really thought about being & quite honestly I didn't want to be there then.  However, it was where God had me at that moment & my faith in Him did bring me a great level of peace.  

I listened to that song one more time, we prayed together, I cried one more time (for the moment!) and we went in.  It was a half hour wait in a very large office with a lot of people, which helped to be honest, people watching is a good distraction.  I also thought of Hebrews 12:1& 2.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I sat there thinking about this & realizing that I am SO not the first child of God to be in this position! There are many who have gone there before me & many who will come after.  He has seen many others through this difficult thing & He would see me through too!!!  I needed to throw off what was holding me back - the fear had to GO.  I had to trust that God knew what He was doing (and He DOES) and fall into His arms to relax & rest.  It was as if I was running a race with a back pack on my back, one full of rocks both big & small.  I'd never win that race!!!  This was the same idea, but this time my rocks with labels.  Fear, anxiety, depression, worry, even loss of control.  These rocks had to be thrown off!  This would not be an easy task, nor would it be somethingI could do overnight.  However, the only way I was going to emerge from this battle spiritually victorious was to deal with them as they became an issue that was hindering me in my run.  

This journey of dealing with all these emotions is part of my purpose for this blog.  I have already found that God often uses my own words to encourage me, this writing is not just for others who read it but for my own encouragement as well.  

No, there aren't many cancer details in this blog & for now there won't be.  In time, perhaps, but for now there are enough unknowns & putting them in black & white only gives them more room in my mind.  The truly important thing is what God is doing to do in me, and in others, through this journey.  

My goal is to live out 1 Corinthians 10:31 

So whether you eat or drink, or WHATEVER YOU DO, do it ALL for the glory of God.

This will not be an easy journey, but God walks it with me and may HE be GLORIFIED through it!!!