Sometimes it's hard to know just where to begin.

There is more to say, but tonight I am exhausted and need to SLEEP.  

Friday last week I started bleeding again. Not heavily, and we decided that while it was little odd perhaps it was my bodies attempt at a normal period.  This went on until Monday evening when things amped up.  It got heavy.  It got bad.  But Im always able to get through a few days before I need medical intervention and so we went to bed.

I work up at 2 am, I felt so awful, but it wasn't my normal low hemoglobin sort of awful.  By the time he woke up I was no longer responding to him & so off we went to the hospital.  I don't know why I went quite unresponsive, my hemoglobin was low and yet not as low as other times.  That may forever be a mystery.  Another 9 hrs & 2 units of blood and I was back home.  

4 transfusion in 5 months.  I cry out "uncle"  I have an appointment with my dr to discuss endometrial ablation, whether it's an option still etc.  I will not be given up my tea nor will I stop being treated in Ottawa any time soon but I am potentially adding some more traditional treatment to my regime.  

I hope one day, soon, I will have more energy to tell you oh so much more.  For now, I have to say THANK you for the prayers, the love, the support.  

I'm sure I really should post more often, I'm sure, but ..... either I'm sleeping, or I'm doing as much of nothing as i can.  Oh, and drinking tea.  It's challenging to find something worth saying about those activities.  

God is indeed at work in my heart but so much of it is not yet in shareable format.  It's rather like a baby growing  you may not notice a lot of change in a day, or even a week but then boom, all of a sudden they are sleeping through the night, or outgrowing their clothes & you realize that things have been happening.  Thats how I feel spiritually right now.  There's no way that all this that I am going through is pointless in my life.  

It IS challenging, and hard, and emotional.  It's many things that, well, in my humanness I would rather avoid.  But the reality is God has me right here for a reason.  I am being reminded of so many things I learned in the last years that I need so badly right now.  Mostly I am being forced to lean on Him.  To reach my arms out to Him and receive that grace & mercy that He promises in Hebews 4:16

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

I must live right there, at the throne of grace, receiving grace & mercy.  Without it I will not get through this.

This is a challenging time both physically, spiritually & emotionally.  I desperately need your prayers for all those areas.  My husband has returned to work, simply HAD to do that, Kate is carrying a full load here & I struggle to be so limited in what I am able/allowed to do.  I would love to have Mark home all the time but it's simply not an option.

Thank you for your prayers in ALL these areas my friends,

After a tough week, too much bleeding & some really awful tasting changes in my tea, I am now 24 hrs free of bleeding.  I wish I could be excited & hopeful with this, but I'm not quite there yet.  It AM thankful that the tea is doing it's thing & despite how hard it is to drink it some days I will keep on keeping on because it's working.  

I'm dealing with what appears to be depression & anxiety & am most appreciative of those who and will be praying for me.  It is difficult to take every thought captive & make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5) these days but I must do it.  It's not about how hard or easy it is, it's about obedience.  I know that .... but I still surely do struggle with it.

Today we are heading for a last minute trip to Fredericton AND picking up Ben!! Will soon have all four of my chicks in the nest for a few days.  That will be fantastic. And noisy.  And there will be moments I will wish it was warm enough to ship them all outside. :D  But i am looking forward to it.

I have missed my Christmas prep. the kids did a lot of decorating, and yet none of my nativity scenes are up! :(  It takes a fair bit of rearranging for them & I just have not had it in me to do it, or to try to verbally help others do it.  Next year.  Or maybe I'll have Christmas in summer this year :)  Whenver I am in better shape physically I'm so gonna do it. :D

For now, I have gifts that need wrapping & laundry that needs putting away.  I'm gonna do what I can do & then lay back down again. Any progress has got to be good progress.  :)

Christmas is upon us & I am going to enjoy it! :)

A few highlights from our decorations for you

I got out of the house today. It was FANTASTIC!!!

I didn't do much, mostly I sat in the van & let Mark and/or kids do the shopping for me. But I did get to roam around a little bit & pick out a few things for Mark and the kids stockings.  I appreciated that more than I could express.

of course, I had to take my tea along.  Drinking over a litre of warm tea one sip at a time takes up a bit of my day.  

I came home from our outing thankful to climb back onto the bed & veg again.  It may be hard to sit & rest as much as I have to but it's fantastic to have a place so comfy and full of love to do so!!!

Thanks so much for the prayers today my friend.  I made it through another day & have hope that I will continue to do so.  

love to each of you, and have a fantastic week before Christmas!

Short but sweet to say the last few days have been tough.
I'm not by nature someone who enjoys spending days resting on the couch, nor do I love tea :D

A few days ago bleeding picked up again and it's been hard not to panic.  However, Giao is, thankfully, only an email away and with the adjustments he suggested for my tea things are looking up.  

I still ask you to continue to pray for that PEACE of God for me. It is so hard to live in obedience to Phil 4:4-7, and 2 Corinthians 10:5, and a multitude of other verses I have learned over the years that show us, show ME, exactly how I need to be walking through this journey of life.  

Depression is not a new struggle for me either, and it it is rearing it's ugly head, hovering waiting for weak moments when it can jump in & try to take over my thinking.  

Oh how I need your prayers my family & friends.  Yes, for physical healing but also for emotional & spiritual healing, and strength.  Pray for my husband as well, not only is he taking care of a lot of the housework, he's also taking care of me.  I know that isn't aways an easy task.

One week to Christmas - are you ready? I'm not! That's a whole nuther can of worms that I'm not delving in to today!!

Leaving you with a song I found on my FB memories.  You know as kids how many of us wrote letters to the future us? Well, I'm certain God gave me that song on this day 4 yrs ago for ME, today.  I hope you enjoy as much as I am.

G

Today I am working hard at getting Christmas up.  Mark is still not feeling good so for the time being he is asleep, but i cant complain I had a nap earlier!  My energy is still not high, but it is a BOATLOAD better than it was for that week I was home between trips to ottawa.  I am thankful for that.   The trick now is to keep working on the stanima without over doing it!  In some ways that was easier in a motel room 10 hrs from home where there wasn't a lot to do ... and in other ways MUCH nicer in my own bed.  My bed is actually calling to me right now! 

I am still living with a great deal of peace in my heart, and still asking you all to please continue to pray for that peace.  God has great things to teach me through this & your prayers will help me get there!!! 

I'm getting a sore throat which I have to very proactive about NOT letting happen. Giao is concerned that if I get sick I will lose all progress we have made.  Lots of colloidal silver going & sleeping as often as  I can.  I would welcome your prayers in this area too! 

We really need the energy to make a kick butt chicken soup! 

for now I am answering the call of my bed & going back to rest for a while.  What doesn't get done today will still be around tomorrow. :)

Later, friends,
G

It's been FANTASTIC to be home today! We've been moving pretty slowly as Mark hasn't been feeling great & I have been low on energy as well but we got mostly unpacked & everybody stayed fed.  I even got some laundry done.  Tomorrow I have high hopes of getting our tree!!! 

Incorporating this tea into my daily life has been more challenging here at home, there are far more distractions.  I managed to do it today & I will tomorrow as well.  I'm 2 weeks in to the month I need of no bleeding, and holding on tightly to hope.

I do ask that you all continue to pray for peace for me.  God & I talked a lot on the way home yesterday & I have a much better grasp on that peace I have been asking for - but we all know the enemy will sleep in where he can & boy & how is he ever. I simply have to keep running to the Lord each & every time - as well as doing my part and keeping my thoughts obedient to CHRIST.  (2 Cor 10:5)

It's bedtime and I'm tired & ready for some good sleep.  We were encouraged again today with finances to help us through this. Thank you so much for listening to the Lord my friends & giving to us.  I look forward to seeing you rewarded in heaven one day!

Love to each of you, maybe I'll have some pictures to share tomorrow. :)


G