I am going to take my time on this large project - catching you all up, but I am determined that I am going to do it!

On the 30th of March my phone rang.  I don't like "private number" because i like to know who I am about to talk to ... but most of my dr's come up that way & so I answered.  It was my date for surgery! I was so glad to have the date & yet so nervous to be able to look at the calendar and think on THIS day ...  Surgery was scary for me. I don't like the idea of being cut open and even less so parts of me removed! So many side affects possible, so many unknowns, and yet I knew it had to be done.  This constant haemorrhaging had to end!  I wrote it on my calendar & I announced it from the roof top - except here. sorry about that. :)

It was 12 days away & I began to get everything done that I could.  However, 6 days in I began to bleed again. Heavily.  Too heavily.  I went up to opd where I was given a medication to stop the bleeding. BUT ... I couldn't take it close to surgery & so had 24 hrs of it and then had to stop.  It worked great ... but about20 min after that 24 hr period I was haemorrhaging again & ended up back at the hospital. I almost felt bad for the Dr, he really didn't know what to do.  Iasked him if perhaps the surgeon could help us & he said we were going to find out.  He left, made a phone call & even got to talk to MY surgeon not "just" an on call one.  The Dr said he had been told to do what he had to do to stop my bleeding  before my surgery & that I could take that medication right up to the morning of.  I was relieved.  It worked well for 4 days, days 5 & 6 I was again bleeding but not as heavily.  I was rolled into surgery with a hemoglobin of 103 (nothing short of a miracle) and did not have to receive blood during surgery!!!   It was a long day, 2 hrs prep time, 3.5 hrs of surgery & a lot of hours recovery, but I slept through it.  It was my family that felt it.  Waking up with an epidural in my back, a catheter in & a throat as dry as the sahara was not a particularly fun time ... that was where the adventure truly began!

... to be continued. :) 

Wow. What a whirl wind couple days!

Yesterday around noon we left for Moncton.  Because we had to make a few stops along the way AND because my legs don't allow me to travel very far at a time anyways, we got to moncton about 4:30.  It was a relief to get to our hotel room (a new hotel to us, and we loved it) and just relax and lay around for a bit.  After a while we got supper, and then settled in for more relaxation.  Thanks to all that is going on in my body, I had a bit of a rough evening.  I had started bleeding again, which of recent months has been accompanied by out of control emotions & anxiety.  Add that to the level of pain I had in numerous parts of my body & I think I did well to enjoy the evening! :) We watched the movie "Unstoppable" based on a true story, and I highly recommend it!!!

Morning came too early and we headed  off to the hospital.  Be there at 7:45 they said and so we were.  My number (63 lol) was finally called and I went to the desk.  Well. We had been misdirected and we needed to go to registration in emergency before we came here.  So off we went.  What did registration tell us? oh, this isn't where you need to be, go to the info desk and they'll guide you. No. THAT is where we had started and been wrongly guided.  So, he said "come with me" opened the big magnetic door and disappeared.  We waited where we stood until hearing his "hello?" from a room nearby.  He had found someone who knew what I needed and how to do it.  Back we went to our original place where we did NOT have to take a number of even wait.  This lovely young lady took my papers, input them into the computer and told me where to go next.  And then the adventure began -- starting with those lovely johnny shirts of course. :D  

The IV was started, and with so much ease it was incredible.  Seldom do needles & veins connect with that much ease and I was incredibly grateful and verbal about it too.  Then I some sort of something (informative aren't I) was injected into my IV.  Some sort of tracer.  Then I waited for 45 min for it to circulate my body andy then I was put into this big machine so that pictures could be taken. I fell asleep  :) THEN I was sent down to cardiology to await the stress test.  It wasn't a long wait and I was in there having my IV checked to make sure it was still working, and then being injected with this horrific radioactive dye whose intent was to stress my heart.  It felt awful.  First my arm, then my chest, then my abdominal area and then my legs got crazy heavy. I don't think I could have moved if I had wanted to.  I was perfectly content to lay there and pray!  It felt awful, tho not in the way I had anticipated.  After the alloted 4 min, they then injected some more tracer.  3 min later I was ready to be DONE and the dr came in and ejected the anecdote.  It was momentarily worse than the dye had been, I was sure I was going to vomit & my lips felt like I had kissed a cactus.  They assured me it would pass .. and beginning with the headache caused by the dye, it did ease up quite quickly.  The Dr  said what she had injected was the equivalent to the caffeine in 2 double late's and I decided I never wanted even one. LOL  

We got to go and eat at this point, with NO food restrictions.   I had been off anything with caffeine for 48 hrs) So we ate and I had some liquid caffeine. :D  then was more pictures in this incredibly cool gamma something ct scanner sort of machine.  Very cool. I had slept through the pictures the first time & did this time too. I was tired. :)

After that we met with  the cardiologist.  I was nervous. After all, if they HAD found something I STILL had to have the surgery, but would go in knowing my heart wasn't what it should be.  Thankfully, the only things found with my heart were some scars from the old heart attacks and some possible angina.  The old ticker is good to go for surgery.  We were done early, it was GREAT and home in time to bring kids some supper.  

I am so glad to be home. I feel like death warmed over, weak as a kitten and want to do nothing but lay in bed all evening.  Hubbie is at work and I miss him!!

So .... that's how today went.  We are finished jumping hoops and next up is the surgery.  I will be so thankful when the incessant bleeding is OVER.  I know knew issues could arise b ut we will deal with them as they come. If they come.  

and now.. it's time to get flat again.  I didn't want to leave y'all hanging too long. :) 

God has supplied our needs incredibly.  Our prayers now are for successful surgery and comfortable accommodations close to the hospital for Mark while I am in there.  I need & want him as close as he can possibly be!   I'd prefer with me ... but that's unlikely I bet. :)

Goodnight my friends, thank you so much or the prayers!!

The appointment with the surgeon went well.  He was much kinder this time and that helped a LOT.  We're a go ahead to surgery as far as he is concerned - depending on what happens Monday with the cardiologist.  Papers are signed, they will be doing a full hysterectomy which could lead to some "fun" times - full menopause.  It would be bad, it could be simple, there's no way of knowing at this time.

I will be glad to have Monday & the cardiologist appointment over! I'm hoping he can do all the testing needed on that day & we won't have to make yet another trip to Moncton before surgery.

Please keep praying about finances for us folks.  GoFundMe has proved to be not much help at all this far, as we can't manage to access the money that is there!!! So frustrating.  Between travel, paying for treatment, & the time Mark has had to take off it's been tight.  Oh, how I hope that when this is over we can move quickly back to normal!!

I have had some energy today and for that I am oh so thankful.

Until next time my friends ....

There's good news.
And there's not so good news.
And then there's just .. well ... just news.

Good news first.  the CT scan shows no signs of cancer.  Apparently the surgeon still thinks there IS cancer.  The lab will answer that question for certain while the surgery is still taking place  in case there is a need to remove lymph nodes as well.  

Not so good news is that I am headed to surgery.  The tx in Ottawa are incredibly helpful but I cannot be there often enough for them to be as affective as my body needs.  After 4 transfusions in 5 months - and potentially another one to come - I will be doing what I gotta do & having my uterus removed.  On Monday the 13th of this month I will see the cardiologist to ensure that my heart is surgery ready. On the 14th of this month (Happy Valentines day to us!) I will have a pre-op appointment with the surgeon.  Both of these appointments are in Moncton, we will be travelling down early on Monday for a 10 am appointment and spending the night.  This all happening so close on the tail of our recent trip to Ottawa is challenging financially, but God is leading us in that direction & I refuse to worry about it. :)

I am continuing with the tea as a way to build my body up and strengthen it for surgery, as well as the help with both emotion and pain that the new tea provides.  Both pain & emotion are rather big issues right now, and i would appreciate prayers from all of you on both these issues - as well as the upcoming cardiac test & surgery.  I have times where I feel like life is one out of control dodgeball game & I'm not sure what I might be hit with next.  Thankfully, while it IS out of mY control it's not out of God's.  I have to rest in that.

God has taught me so much through this, and while I have not had energy to share much I am hopeful that when this is over I will be able to continue to write & share my heart.  

For now, I am resting a lot, tho not sleeping well (another something you can pray for me about!!) and doing my best to deal with pain and emotion. They are not a winning combination!!! I will be sure to let you all know when I have a surgery date - I expect it won't be a long wait.  They're tired of giving me blood. :D

Thank you all for all of your support through this journey thus far!

Sometimes it's hard to know just where to begin.

There is more to say, but tonight I am exhausted and need to SLEEP.  

Friday last week I started bleeding again. Not heavily, and we decided that while it was little odd perhaps it was my bodies attempt at a normal period.  This went on until Monday evening when things amped up.  It got heavy.  It got bad.  But Im always able to get through a few days before I need medical intervention and so we went to bed.

I work up at 2 am, I felt so awful, but it wasn't my normal low hemoglobin sort of awful.  By the time he woke up I was no longer responding to him & so off we went to the hospital.  I don't know why I went quite unresponsive, my hemoglobin was low and yet not as low as other times.  That may forever be a mystery.  Another 9 hrs & 2 units of blood and I was back home.  

4 transfusion in 5 months.  I cry out "uncle"  I have an appointment with my dr to discuss endometrial ablation, whether it's an option still etc.  I will not be given up my tea nor will I stop being treated in Ottawa any time soon but I am potentially adding some more traditional treatment to my regime.  

I hope one day, soon, I will have more energy to tell you oh so much more.  For now, I have to say THANK you for the prayers, the love, the support.  

I'm sure I really should post more often, I'm sure, but ..... either I'm sleeping, or I'm doing as much of nothing as i can.  Oh, and drinking tea.  It's challenging to find something worth saying about those activities.  

God is indeed at work in my heart but so much of it is not yet in shareable format.  It's rather like a baby growing  you may not notice a lot of change in a day, or even a week but then boom, all of a sudden they are sleeping through the night, or outgrowing their clothes & you realize that things have been happening.  Thats how I feel spiritually right now.  There's no way that all this that I am going through is pointless in my life.  

It IS challenging, and hard, and emotional.  It's many things that, well, in my humanness I would rather avoid.  But the reality is God has me right here for a reason.  I am being reminded of so many things I learned in the last years that I need so badly right now.  Mostly I am being forced to lean on Him.  To reach my arms out to Him and receive that grace & mercy that He promises in Hebews 4:16

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

I must live right there, at the throne of grace, receiving grace & mercy.  Without it I will not get through this.

This is a challenging time both physically, spiritually & emotionally.  I desperately need your prayers for all those areas.  My husband has returned to work, simply HAD to do that, Kate is carrying a full load here & I struggle to be so limited in what I am able/allowed to do.  I would love to have Mark home all the time but it's simply not an option.

Thank you for your prayers in ALL these areas my friends,

After a tough week, too much bleeding & some really awful tasting changes in my tea, I am now 24 hrs free of bleeding.  I wish I could be excited & hopeful with this, but I'm not quite there yet.  It AM thankful that the tea is doing it's thing & despite how hard it is to drink it some days I will keep on keeping on because it's working.  

I'm dealing with what appears to be depression & anxiety & am most appreciative of those who and will be praying for me.  It is difficult to take every thought captive & make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5) these days but I must do it.  It's not about how hard or easy it is, it's about obedience.  I know that .... but I still surely do struggle with it.

Today we are heading for a last minute trip to Fredericton AND picking up Ben!! Will soon have all four of my chicks in the nest for a few days.  That will be fantastic. And noisy.  And there will be moments I will wish it was warm enough to ship them all outside. :D  But i am looking forward to it.

I have missed my Christmas prep. the kids did a lot of decorating, and yet none of my nativity scenes are up! :(  It takes a fair bit of rearranging for them & I just have not had it in me to do it, or to try to verbally help others do it.  Next year.  Or maybe I'll have Christmas in summer this year :)  Whenver I am in better shape physically I'm so gonna do it. :D

For now, I have gifts that need wrapping & laundry that needs putting away.  I'm gonna do what I can do & then lay back down again. Any progress has got to be good progress.  :)

Christmas is upon us & I am going to enjoy it! :)

A few highlights from our decorations for you

I got out of the house today. It was FANTASTIC!!!

I didn't do much, mostly I sat in the van & let Mark and/or kids do the shopping for me. But I did get to roam around a little bit & pick out a few things for Mark and the kids stockings.  I appreciated that more than I could express.

of course, I had to take my tea along.  Drinking over a litre of warm tea one sip at a time takes up a bit of my day.  

I came home from our outing thankful to climb back onto the bed & veg again.  It may be hard to sit & rest as much as I have to but it's fantastic to have a place so comfy and full of love to do so!!!

Thanks so much for the prayers today my friend.  I made it through another day & have hope that I will continue to do so.  

love to each of you, and have a fantastic week before Christmas!

Short but sweet to say the last few days have been tough.
I'm not by nature someone who enjoys spending days resting on the couch, nor do I love tea :D

A few days ago bleeding picked up again and it's been hard not to panic.  However, Giao is, thankfully, only an email away and with the adjustments he suggested for my tea things are looking up.  

I still ask you to continue to pray for that PEACE of God for me. It is so hard to live in obedience to Phil 4:4-7, and 2 Corinthians 10:5, and a multitude of other verses I have learned over the years that show us, show ME, exactly how I need to be walking through this journey of life.  

Depression is not a new struggle for me either, and it it is rearing it's ugly head, hovering waiting for weak moments when it can jump in & try to take over my thinking.  

Oh how I need your prayers my family & friends.  Yes, for physical healing but also for emotional & spiritual healing, and strength.  Pray for my husband as well, not only is he taking care of a lot of the housework, he's also taking care of me.  I know that isn't aways an easy task.

One week to Christmas - are you ready? I'm not! That's a whole nuther can of worms that I'm not delving in to today!!

Leaving you with a song I found on my FB memories.  You know as kids how many of us wrote letters to the future us? Well, I'm certain God gave me that song on this day 4 yrs ago for ME, today.  I hope you enjoy as much as I am.

G

Today I am working hard at getting Christmas up.  Mark is still not feeling good so for the time being he is asleep, but i cant complain I had a nap earlier!  My energy is still not high, but it is a BOATLOAD better than it was for that week I was home between trips to ottawa.  I am thankful for that.   The trick now is to keep working on the stanima without over doing it!  In some ways that was easier in a motel room 10 hrs from home where there wasn't a lot to do ... and in other ways MUCH nicer in my own bed.  My bed is actually calling to me right now! 

I am still living with a great deal of peace in my heart, and still asking you all to please continue to pray for that peace.  God has great things to teach me through this & your prayers will help me get there!!! 

I'm getting a sore throat which I have to very proactive about NOT letting happen. Giao is concerned that if I get sick I will lose all progress we have made.  Lots of colloidal silver going & sleeping as often as  I can.  I would welcome your prayers in this area too! 

We really need the energy to make a kick butt chicken soup! 

for now I am answering the call of my bed & going back to rest for a while.  What doesn't get done today will still be around tomorrow. :)

Later, friends,
G

It's been FANTASTIC to be home today! We've been moving pretty slowly as Mark hasn't been feeling great & I have been low on energy as well but we got mostly unpacked & everybody stayed fed.  I even got some laundry done.  Tomorrow I have high hopes of getting our tree!!! 

Incorporating this tea into my daily life has been more challenging here at home, there are far more distractions.  I managed to do it today & I will tomorrow as well.  I'm 2 weeks in to the month I need of no bleeding, and holding on tightly to hope.

I do ask that you all continue to pray for peace for me.  God & I talked a lot on the way home yesterday & I have a much better grasp on that peace I have been asking for - but we all know the enemy will sleep in where he can & boy & how is he ever. I simply have to keep running to the Lord each & every time - as well as doing my part and keeping my thoughts obedient to CHRIST.  (2 Cor 10:5)

It's bedtime and I'm tired & ready for some good sleep.  We were encouraged again today with finances to help us through this. Thank you so much for listening to the Lord my friends & giving to us.  I look forward to seeing you rewarded in heaven one day!

Love to each of you, maybe I'll have some pictures to share tomorrow. :)


G

Tomorrow starts off very early, with us needing to have the van loaded & be on our way by 7:30 am.  Unfortunately most of the loading of the van lands on hubbies' shoulders as I am unable to be much help at all.  Once that's done, we'll hit the clinic or my appointments & then after a few stops be on our way.  

We would surely love to have your prayers behind us as we get ready to roll in the morning and as we travel.  Tonight has been stormy here in Ottawa, we are hoping and praying that it will have settled down by morning.  



God is with us, and we are in the palm of His hand, no matter WHAT happens.  oh how good it is to know that.

I am not going to promise an update when we get home, but I will try to at least let you know we're home in once piece. :)


love to all of you,
in HIM

G

I seem to be finding myself apologizing for the length of time between blog posts lately.  I have sat down & started blogging on several occasions.  It's not like there's nothing to say, but there's no real updates.  I'm going to my appointments, I'm drinking my tea, I'm resting a lot & staying warm.  As problems arise, and they do, Giao tweaks my treatment &/or my tea and we carry on from there.  But there is no real information to share.  My body isn't currently bleeding,  but it threatens in regularly.  There are numerous things I have do to, lots of if/then situations.  I'm having a boatload of information going in over these days & sometimes it's all i can do to process it.  Every time I se Giao there is something new to learn & remember, there's another question or another bit of response from my body that requires change.  Tomorrow I will see him for the last time for this visit, and I will have to make sure that everything I need to know is firmly tucked in my head.  I WILL have email contact with him over the next weeks & he will instruct me on how to deal with things as they come up, but honestly?  The idea of being long distance from my team here in ottawa is emotionally challenging.

I have struggled to talk much about all this, as I find the more time I spend on it, the more emotional I get about it.  I am convinced that God is going to heal my body of this bleeding but I don't now when - other than when He knows is best - and it is hard to wait, not knowing just what will happen between now & then.  I have spent so much time talking to Him, asking both for healing and for PEACE.  I struggle so much with that! That elastic faith I posted about earlier, oh how little idea I had of just how much my faith would be stretched.  This is hard. it HURTS. 

I memorized Phil 4:4-7 a few months ago.  It couldn't be more timely.  

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Don't be anxious about ANYTHING.  My faith has grown strong over the last years but that's a tall order right now.  but look at how that verse ends!!!  The peace of God, which passes ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your heart & mind in Christ Jesus.  That is the peace I long for, the peace I am continually asking God for.  I am constantly having to take every thought captive (2 corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.) and putting my thoughts on to those things that are RIGHT, pure, lovely, etc in order to have that peace. It's not easy. In fact it's a downright battle these days.  I need your prayers on this folks.   I am constantly in prayer asking God both for healing & for peace.  

This is truly a challenge of my faith & I'm here asking you all to please continue to pray for me, I need this peace. I need victory in this area of my life right now.  

And now, it's time to head out for some blood work.  Fun times. :)   Tomorrow we head home & I am both thrilled to pieces & a little emotional about being so far from my team.  God has it!

I don't know why my font changed & I can't make it change back.  I've decided to not care and leave it alone.  :)

There really isn't a lot to share today, but I was thinking of all your people as I sit here sipping way on today's share of my tea.  It's not pleasant, but when I asked God to heal me I wasn't specific on HOW .. and if this tea is His way then I will drink it & not complain.  I might make quite a face fairly frequently tho ... :D

Today was a good day. We had no appointments which is nice sometimes, so we got to sleep in a little & had the free breakfast here at the motel.  It may not have been the healthiest start to the day but it sure did taste good.  Tomorrow I will have to get back on track with healthier eating.  At least I have been finishing my tea on a daily basis!

I've missed home today. It was good to see pictures of my kids & talk to them on Skype, but it will be wonderful to get home next week!   Tomorrow I have a friend coming to visit tomorrow & I am so looking forward to it! I have found the city a lonely place to be & have been asking God for some connections.  It's going to be fantastic to have Donna & her hubbie visit!! Too bad she doesn't want to share my tea.  :D


The movie Back to the Future movie is playing in the background. I heard the line 'you loaned me your car without telling me it has a blindspot" is making me laugh.  Laughter is a good thing & it seems I manage to do a lot of it most days!  

I hope each of you has a wonderful, restful sleep tonight & starts tomorrow off with JOY in your heart.  Always remember Philipians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS .. and AGAIN I say it, REJOICE.  Living this way WILL change your life and that of those around you too.  

till tomorrow ...

We are home from my acupuncture & Mark is getting my lovely tea ready for me to enjoy <cough> I mean drink!!!   Thus far all symptoms point to the fact that it is helping me & that is fantastic news!!  it tastes terrible but that isn't a huge concern right now. I will do what it takes!  It did make me laugh when Giao walks into the room today & asked me if I survived the tea.  :D

The difficult part of this tea is not the taste so much as the cost.  It's a little more than $20 a day to keep me drinking this.  That adds up really quickly, and looking ahead at the month of December it is more than a little overwhelming.  yet again my elastic faith has to come in to play - this tea is helping, and if it's what God has for me then He WILL take care of the cost! 

I have a few little christmas things around the room to make it cheery.  I need the added cheer these days!  :)

Please do continue to pray for us here in Ottawa, I've really been missing home & my faith is being stretched  as I look ahead to the cost of this tea.  I will come through this with a stronger faith, but right now it's hard to do! 

Thank you so much for all the love & support!

G

Again I am here to say SO sorry for being awol so long.Sunday was a challenging day!!!  We woke up at 4 am with the plan to leave by 5.  By 4:30 I knew the plan was changing & just a few minutes later I was at the hospital.  We were there for 10 hrs while 2 units of blood dripped their way into my veins & then we left home at 3 pm, much much later than we had anticipated, but joyful in the knowledge that God had a purpose and a plan for us leaving that much later!  The trip was long, the weather went from rotten to not to bad, back and forth until almost here when it was suddenly dry and good driving.  We were ever so grateful to arrive! 

 We arrived in Ottawa late Sunday night completely exhausted & in need of so much rest.  I didn't get much that night, in fact I was so tired still on Monday morning that I ended up not getting treatment that morning.  Giao said she he does to me makes my body work & I would be more tired than ever when he was done. He gave me an rx for a tea made with chinese herbs & told me to go back to the motel & sleep. I did!

The tea is not any amount of fun to drink, it has a very  bitter taste, but I get through it.  I slept Monday afternoon and then last night I got 10 yrs sleep. It was fantastic!  Today I have been missing home, but ya do what ya gotta do right?

Tomorrow I will see Giao again and we'll see how things will go from here.   I'm sure there is more tea in my future ...  <shudder>  :D

I'm STILL tired tonight but will try to share more tomorrow.  Tonight I picked up just a few small christmas-y things for our room.  It brightens the place up a little!!  Our room is fantastic,  here's a few pics for y'all. :)

(I got my chair again!!!)

So you all prayed with me for a miracle, and God has granted it.  We have the funds needed o get back to Ottawa and are preparing to leave bright and early tomorrow morning.  I am having great mixed emotions -, I am thrilled to be able to return in time for treatment before Christmas & I am also struggling with being away from home for 2 weeks. I am a home body!  That said, this is very clearly the direction God is sending us in, to have raised the money as quickly as  He did. I believe this is right, I believe in HIM, We CAN Do this together!!!

I do have another miracle I am asking for.  My body responses to The treatment to stop the haemorrhaging by doing just that - bleeding heavily.  I am asking God to please keep that from happening, and I am here asking you all to pray with me, asking God for that very same miracle, and that the treatment will indeed stop the constant bleeding on a long term basis.  When that is taken care of we can start working on whatever else is going on in my body!

I will keep you all posted as we progress through this trip and we appreciate your prayers so much  Mark will be off work for the 2 weeks & while we will feel that when we get home, we also know that God has that, too!!!

thankful to have each of your prayers, and t know that HE IS IN CONTROL!!

with love and many thanks
G

Hello my friends.

It's been a few days since I was here,  I apologize for that.  However, I have had to spend most of my time in bed, hopefully sleeping.  Sleep has been tough, pain is a poor bed companion & an even worse sleep companion! 

I have also struggled mightily with eating.  My body will feel hungry but put food in my mouth and every part of me revolts.  Smoothies have been my main source of nutrition & I am thankful they can be made to be quite healthy.  

I have been in communication with the cancer centre & the acupuncturist will be away for three weeks over christmas.  The only way I'll get my two weeks in before then would be to be there this coming week.  It seems very unlikely, but I'm praying for that nonetheless.  The challenge in waiting will be dealing with the symptoms that make life rather difficult, and bring on more anxiety than I am comfortable with.  I am SO THANKFul to know that GOD HAS IT ... and yet the crazy hormones & chemicals etc in my body right now are not so willing to calm down & I find every day a challenge to get through.  We're taking one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and doing all we know to do.  I am ever so grateful for the friends who step in and talk me through long hard evenings, who have an understanding & are willing to live out 2 Cor 1:3-5!!!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God

This has been life changing for me as those around me live it out!

It's time to rest this poor body again, doing anything at all takes a whole lot more energy than I have.  A huge Happy thanksgiving to those of you in the US, I trust you see more to be thankful for every day!


G

I have managed to get through the last 24 hrs or so.  Things are still not ideal but I am grateful to have been able to continue to avoid more medical intervention.   It may come yet but I'll be thankful for today!

In the last couple days we've had some monetary gifts come in & that is SUCH an encouragement to our hearts.  It feeds the hope that we may get back to Ottawa after all & oh how we needed that today.

My struggle continues to be FAITH.  I KNOW God has this.  I know everything is in HIS control.  Yet it continues to be a challenge for me to live in that PEACE that comes when those truths are completely accepted.  

1 Thessalonions 5:16-18 says:

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Give thanks in ALL circumstances .... even when nothing makes sense & life is full of overwhelming, even when ANYTHING is happening.  This is my struggle right now folks, and I need your prayers more than I can say.  

Mark is scheduled to work tonight & tomorrow night & I am truly battling the idea of him being away & potentially out of reach.  I want him right here, beside me, at all times - but it can't be that way right now.  

Peace.  I need peace.  I must do what I have to do to get it & yet ... it seems out of my reach.  

This is my heart folks, the read, deep inside me gut wrenching emotions are here on the screen.  Im glad I haven't shorted out my computer while I typed. :)  

Writing it all helps, and the hope that I can help someone else out there helps too.  Keep the prayers coming, the messages,  the encouragement, it ALL helps.  In the end I only want to finish well, to hear my Abba Daddy say "well done, good and faithful servant".  

G

Thank you for the prayers my friends.  It has been a challenging evening here no doubt.  I'm still struggling, truth be told, but the situation is a little less dramatic than it was when I posted a few hours ago & for that I am THANKFUL. I have to hold on the 2 Cor 1:8&9.  

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.


I'm sure God has many purposes for what He is doing in my life these days, but i can say without a doubt that one of them is for me to learn on an even deeper level how to rely on HIM no matter what is going on around me.  It is hard. It is SO hard to do, my humanness responds with doubts & fears but victory IS found in HIM.  It can be a long fought battle, and tonight it is, but one thing I can tell you is that I WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS.  Your prayers help with that & I cannot say eloquently enough how thankful I am for them.

Tonight I'm leaving you with a song that God has used to speak to my heart tonight.  It's an oldie ... but a goodie.  

Goodnight my friends.  Thank you for the prayers, and please don't stop.  I'm asking God for a good rest, for no bleeding going forward, and that I can return to that place of PEACE I've been in so much.  I'm doing what i can do, and I know victory will be mine.

G