I am going to take my time on this large project - catching you all up, but I am determined that I am going to do it!

On the 30th of March my phone rang.  I don't like "private number" because i like to know who I am about to talk to ... but most of my dr's come up that way & so I answered.  It was my date for surgery! I was so glad to have the date & yet so nervous to be able to look at the calendar and think on THIS day ...  Surgery was scary for me. I don't like the idea of being cut open and even less so parts of me removed! So many side affects possible, so many unknowns, and yet I knew it had to be done.  This constant haemorrhaging had to end!  I wrote it on my calendar & I announced it from the roof top - except here. sorry about that. :)

It was 12 days away & I began to get everything done that I could.  However, 6 days in I began to bleed again. Heavily.  Too heavily.  I went up to opd where I was given a medication to stop the bleeding. BUT ... I couldn't take it close to surgery & so had 24 hrs of it and then had to stop.  It worked great ... but about20 min after that 24 hr period I was haemorrhaging again & ended up back at the hospital. I almost felt bad for the Dr, he really didn't know what to do.  Iasked him if perhaps the surgeon could help us & he said we were going to find out.  He left, made a phone call & even got to talk to MY surgeon not "just" an on call one.  The Dr said he had been told to do what he had to do to stop my bleeding  before my surgery & that I could take that medication right up to the morning of.  I was relieved.  It worked well for 4 days, days 5 & 6 I was again bleeding but not as heavily.  I was rolled into surgery with a hemoglobin of 103 (nothing short of a miracle) and did not have to receive blood during surgery!!!   It was a long day, 2 hrs prep time, 3.5 hrs of surgery & a lot of hours recovery, but I slept through it.  It was my family that felt it.  Waking up with an epidural in my back, a catheter in & a throat as dry as the sahara was not a particularly fun time ... that was where the adventure truly began!

... to be continued. :) 

Wow. What a whirl wind couple days!

Yesterday around noon we left for Moncton.  Because we had to make a few stops along the way AND because my legs don't allow me to travel very far at a time anyways, we got to moncton about 4:30.  It was a relief to get to our hotel room (a new hotel to us, and we loved it) and just relax and lay around for a bit.  After a while we got supper, and then settled in for more relaxation.  Thanks to all that is going on in my body, I had a bit of a rough evening.  I had started bleeding again, which of recent months has been accompanied by out of control emotions & anxiety.  Add that to the level of pain I had in numerous parts of my body & I think I did well to enjoy the evening! :) We watched the movie "Unstoppable" based on a true story, and I highly recommend it!!!

Morning came too early and we headed  off to the hospital.  Be there at 7:45 they said and so we were.  My number (63 lol) was finally called and I went to the desk.  Well. We had been misdirected and we needed to go to registration in emergency before we came here.  So off we went.  What did registration tell us? oh, this isn't where you need to be, go to the info desk and they'll guide you. No. THAT is where we had started and been wrongly guided.  So, he said "come with me" opened the big magnetic door and disappeared.  We waited where we stood until hearing his "hello?" from a room nearby.  He had found someone who knew what I needed and how to do it.  Back we went to our original place where we did NOT have to take a number of even wait.  This lovely young lady took my papers, input them into the computer and told me where to go next.  And then the adventure began -- starting with those lovely johnny shirts of course. :D  

The IV was started, and with so much ease it was incredible.  Seldom do needles & veins connect with that much ease and I was incredibly grateful and verbal about it too.  Then I some sort of something (informative aren't I) was injected into my IV.  Some sort of tracer.  Then I waited for 45 min for it to circulate my body andy then I was put into this big machine so that pictures could be taken. I fell asleep  :) THEN I was sent down to cardiology to await the stress test.  It wasn't a long wait and I was in there having my IV checked to make sure it was still working, and then being injected with this horrific radioactive dye whose intent was to stress my heart.  It felt awful.  First my arm, then my chest, then my abdominal area and then my legs got crazy heavy. I don't think I could have moved if I had wanted to.  I was perfectly content to lay there and pray!  It felt awful, tho not in the way I had anticipated.  After the alloted 4 min, they then injected some more tracer.  3 min later I was ready to be DONE and the dr came in and ejected the anecdote.  It was momentarily worse than the dye had been, I was sure I was going to vomit & my lips felt like I had kissed a cactus.  They assured me it would pass .. and beginning with the headache caused by the dye, it did ease up quite quickly.  The Dr  said what she had injected was the equivalent to the caffeine in 2 double late's and I decided I never wanted even one. LOL  

We got to go and eat at this point, with NO food restrictions.   I had been off anything with caffeine for 48 hrs) So we ate and I had some liquid caffeine. :D  then was more pictures in this incredibly cool gamma something ct scanner sort of machine.  Very cool. I had slept through the pictures the first time & did this time too. I was tired. :)

After that we met with  the cardiologist.  I was nervous. After all, if they HAD found something I STILL had to have the surgery, but would go in knowing my heart wasn't what it should be.  Thankfully, the only things found with my heart were some scars from the old heart attacks and some possible angina.  The old ticker is good to go for surgery.  We were done early, it was GREAT and home in time to bring kids some supper.  

I am so glad to be home. I feel like death warmed over, weak as a kitten and want to do nothing but lay in bed all evening.  Hubbie is at work and I miss him!!

So .... that's how today went.  We are finished jumping hoops and next up is the surgery.  I will be so thankful when the incessant bleeding is OVER.  I know knew issues could arise b ut we will deal with them as they come. If they come.  

and now.. it's time to get flat again.  I didn't want to leave y'all hanging too long. :) 

God has supplied our needs incredibly.  Our prayers now are for successful surgery and comfortable accommodations close to the hospital for Mark while I am in there.  I need & want him as close as he can possibly be!   I'd prefer with me ... but that's unlikely I bet. :)

Goodnight my friends, thank you so much or the prayers!!

The appointment with the surgeon went well.  He was much kinder this time and that helped a LOT.  We're a go ahead to surgery as far as he is concerned - depending on what happens Monday with the cardiologist.  Papers are signed, they will be doing a full hysterectomy which could lead to some "fun" times - full menopause.  It would be bad, it could be simple, there's no way of knowing at this time.

I will be glad to have Monday & the cardiologist appointment over! I'm hoping he can do all the testing needed on that day & we won't have to make yet another trip to Moncton before surgery.

Please keep praying about finances for us folks.  GoFundMe has proved to be not much help at all this far, as we can't manage to access the money that is there!!! So frustrating.  Between travel, paying for treatment, & the time Mark has had to take off it's been tight.  Oh, how I hope that when this is over we can move quickly back to normal!!

I have had some energy today and for that I am oh so thankful.

Until next time my friends ....

There's good news.
And there's not so good news.
And then there's just .. well ... just news.

Good news first.  the CT scan shows no signs of cancer.  Apparently the surgeon still thinks there IS cancer.  The lab will answer that question for certain while the surgery is still taking place  in case there is a need to remove lymph nodes as well.  

Not so good news is that I am headed to surgery.  The tx in Ottawa are incredibly helpful but I cannot be there often enough for them to be as affective as my body needs.  After 4 transfusions in 5 months - and potentially another one to come - I will be doing what I gotta do & having my uterus removed.  On Monday the 13th of this month I will see the cardiologist to ensure that my heart is surgery ready. On the 14th of this month (Happy Valentines day to us!) I will have a pre-op appointment with the surgeon.  Both of these appointments are in Moncton, we will be travelling down early on Monday for a 10 am appointment and spending the night.  This all happening so close on the tail of our recent trip to Ottawa is challenging financially, but God is leading us in that direction & I refuse to worry about it. :)

I am continuing with the tea as a way to build my body up and strengthen it for surgery, as well as the help with both emotion and pain that the new tea provides.  Both pain & emotion are rather big issues right now, and i would appreciate prayers from all of you on both these issues - as well as the upcoming cardiac test & surgery.  I have times where I feel like life is one out of control dodgeball game & I'm not sure what I might be hit with next.  Thankfully, while it IS out of mY control it's not out of God's.  I have to rest in that.

God has taught me so much through this, and while I have not had energy to share much I am hopeful that when this is over I will be able to continue to write & share my heart.  

For now, I am resting a lot, tho not sleeping well (another something you can pray for me about!!) and doing my best to deal with pain and emotion. They are not a winning combination!!! I will be sure to let you all know when I have a surgery date - I expect it won't be a long wait.  They're tired of giving me blood. :D

Thank you all for all of your support through this journey thus far!

Sometimes it's hard to know just where to begin.

There is more to say, but tonight I am exhausted and need to SLEEP.  

Friday last week I started bleeding again. Not heavily, and we decided that while it was little odd perhaps it was my bodies attempt at a normal period.  This went on until Monday evening when things amped up.  It got heavy.  It got bad.  But Im always able to get through a few days before I need medical intervention and so we went to bed.

I work up at 2 am, I felt so awful, but it wasn't my normal low hemoglobin sort of awful.  By the time he woke up I was no longer responding to him & so off we went to the hospital.  I don't know why I went quite unresponsive, my hemoglobin was low and yet not as low as other times.  That may forever be a mystery.  Another 9 hrs & 2 units of blood and I was back home.  

4 transfusion in 5 months.  I cry out "uncle"  I have an appointment with my dr to discuss endometrial ablation, whether it's an option still etc.  I will not be given up my tea nor will I stop being treated in Ottawa any time soon but I am potentially adding some more traditional treatment to my regime.  

I hope one day, soon, I will have more energy to tell you oh so much more.  For now, I have to say THANK you for the prayers, the love, the support.  

I'm sure I really should post more often, I'm sure, but ..... either I'm sleeping, or I'm doing as much of nothing as i can.  Oh, and drinking tea.  It's challenging to find something worth saying about those activities.  

God is indeed at work in my heart but so much of it is not yet in shareable format.  It's rather like a baby growing  you may not notice a lot of change in a day, or even a week but then boom, all of a sudden they are sleeping through the night, or outgrowing their clothes & you realize that things have been happening.  Thats how I feel spiritually right now.  There's no way that all this that I am going through is pointless in my life.  

It IS challenging, and hard, and emotional.  It's many things that, well, in my humanness I would rather avoid.  But the reality is God has me right here for a reason.  I am being reminded of so many things I learned in the last years that I need so badly right now.  Mostly I am being forced to lean on Him.  To reach my arms out to Him and receive that grace & mercy that He promises in Hebews 4:16

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

I must live right there, at the throne of grace, receiving grace & mercy.  Without it I will not get through this.

This is a challenging time both physically, spiritually & emotionally.  I desperately need your prayers for all those areas.  My husband has returned to work, simply HAD to do that, Kate is carrying a full load here & I struggle to be so limited in what I am able/allowed to do.  I would love to have Mark home all the time but it's simply not an option.

Thank you for your prayers in ALL these areas my friends,

After a tough week, too much bleeding & some really awful tasting changes in my tea, I am now 24 hrs free of bleeding.  I wish I could be excited & hopeful with this, but I'm not quite there yet.  It AM thankful that the tea is doing it's thing & despite how hard it is to drink it some days I will keep on keeping on because it's working.  

I'm dealing with what appears to be depression & anxiety & am most appreciative of those who and will be praying for me.  It is difficult to take every thought captive & make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5) these days but I must do it.  It's not about how hard or easy it is, it's about obedience.  I know that .... but I still surely do struggle with it.

Today we are heading for a last minute trip to Fredericton AND picking up Ben!! Will soon have all four of my chicks in the nest for a few days.  That will be fantastic. And noisy.  And there will be moments I will wish it was warm enough to ship them all outside. :D  But i am looking forward to it.

I have missed my Christmas prep. the kids did a lot of decorating, and yet none of my nativity scenes are up! :(  It takes a fair bit of rearranging for them & I just have not had it in me to do it, or to try to verbally help others do it.  Next year.  Or maybe I'll have Christmas in summer this year :)  Whenver I am in better shape physically I'm so gonna do it. :D

For now, I have gifts that need wrapping & laundry that needs putting away.  I'm gonna do what I can do & then lay back down again. Any progress has got to be good progress.  :)

Christmas is upon us & I am going to enjoy it! :)

A few highlights from our decorations for you